I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
