im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
