how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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