afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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