Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
