since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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