I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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