I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
