so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
