the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
