My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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