The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
