no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
