You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We were destined to go to rehab together
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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