Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
