im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
