VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
