Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
