Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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