my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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