i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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