i would punch a child for taco bell
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
