Apparently you make a good broom.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
