I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
