So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I currently don't understand fingers.
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