I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
