shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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