sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
