I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
