Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
