remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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