You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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