Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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