a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
