I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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