took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i came on her dog
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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