I just saw a hot homeless man
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's always time for handjobs
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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