She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
