these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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