Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize