i already hear my dad disowning me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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