I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
