ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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