Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
