Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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