I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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