...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
