So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
