is your mom at the bar?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
