have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
vagina is talking i cant
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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