Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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