so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
