so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Never underestimate the power of titties
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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