Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He better not be in your backpack
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
