I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How's work?
Spinning.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
