Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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