Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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