I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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