Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
