Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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