You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
