I think my fart just growled at me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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