Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
