Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
