I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
