I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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