Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
