dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
