I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize