Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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