I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
