Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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