I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
