Cold hands, warm shart.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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