Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
