i need an iv and a liver transplant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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