nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
