Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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