So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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