She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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