Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
