From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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