I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
