i don't like sucking hair
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
