Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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