In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
